Hey ya'll, it's been a minute. Happy New Year! I know this time brings with it new mantras of being a new person, promises of new habits, new mindsets, new goals, new resolutions. I am right there on board with all the "newness" that this year will bring; not only because it's a new year, but because it's a new decade. Ok, so the new decade technically started in 2020, but after March of 2020 everything flew out of the window! I'm choosing to celebrate and shift with this year - 2021 and call this the turning of the decade. I'm going to consider 2020 the end of the decade (2010-2020) and 2021 the beginning of a new decade...that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Now back to my story...Ten years ago when this current decade began (2010), I was about to give birth to my second son (Jan 9). I was in a good place mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally; "head-drama" was not overtaking me. Guilt, shame and rejection were not following me around every day trying to take me out. I did not feel like I was in a constant battle. I had not 'shifted' yet and my brain had not been 'stamped' to replay an experience on a loop for five years.
This decade (2010-2020) has been full of moving experiences, growth and setbacks. I accept and respect all the experiences of this decade, however, there are things that I am not inviting into 2021 with me. There is too much unchartered territory to go after in my life for me to stand still and focus on what was, what should have been, and could have been. For this reason, I celebrate the arrival of a new decade! Since a decade is 10 years, I wanted to see the significance of the number 10 and I found this on www.anglenubmer.org:
The easiest way to discover its meaning is to find out what its components (numbers 1 and 0) mean. Number 1 is a symbol of self-leadership, authority and initiative. This number also resonates with the positive way of thinking, as well as with your own inspiration and motivation to start a new phase in my life. Number 0 is known as a number of eternity and spiritual life. This number is a clear sign that you need to find my spiritual path and to start your spiritual journey. When you have seen the meanings of numbers 1 and 0, it is easy to realize what number 10 can mean. This number will help you know that you are the creator of your own destiny. Your positive ideas should be realized in the future and the number 10 could also be a sign that you should be more determined and self-confident and should focus on you goals using all the knowledge that you have. The combination of hard work and inspiration will certainly give your the results in everything that you do!
Wow! My mind is blown by this meaning of the number 10 because it sums up what God placed in my spirit for my going forward this year and into this new decade. As I was reading the book, "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski, she talked about a garden being a metaphor for life. This resonated with my spirit so much that my mind instantly shifted. To be honest, it could have been the Zoloft finally taking effect since I'd been using it consistently for 23 days. Last decade, my mind was filled with some real "stinking thinking"! It was overflowing and oozing out, affecting the state of my mental health. It's like I could not find the valve to shut off the negative and damning thoughts! They consumed me. I was shutting down; I was coming undone; I was losing myself.
Four years into the last decade (2014), I had adopted the life metaphor 'Under Construction'. I began to look at my life as needing to be "rebuilt". I thought the foundation was good, but all that had been built upon that foundation needed to be reexamined and torn down. Somewhere in the crevices of my mind and heart, self-criticism began to grow, negative self-talk found its voice. Experiences that were meant to test me freaked me out and I lost my way. My fortification was compromised and I was weakened. This allowed for guilt, shame, and rejection to join the ever-growing party in my mind and they all formed a united front to attack me constantly! I could not find the valve to shut this coalition down. I was turning other valves that I thought would turn them off, but they were not "the shut-off" valve. I was walking in circles or standing still in my own puddle of stinking thinking while expending great energy trying to fight off the thoughts to no avail. All this stuff about being "under construction" was really messing me up. I felt like I was totally under construction and that I would just have to wait until it was complete. In the meantime I had to deal with the demolition and all that it brought with it. I had accepted that I was no good and needed to be demolished and reconstructed. I did not know at the time that this was a false and destructive way to see myself and my life.
I am not a machine, a building, or a robot...I am a living, breathing, organic spirit-being, housed in a molecular organism called a body. I was created and known about before the foundations of the world. I was created to grow, not be mindlessly built like a machine or a building that can be torn down or demolished if it doesn't function correctly! I am a beloved being that God authentically originated and crafted with holy thought and love. I was created to grow so when I read about the the metaphor, 'Life as a garden', my spirit instantly received the thought, eradicated the stinking thinking and shifted instantaneously into a growth mindset! The shut-off valve was found. I am choosing to enter into this new year, this new decade with a changed perspective of my life. I am tired of letting life just happen. I want to be INTENTIONAL and THOUGHTFUL about my life. I am choosing to see my life as a garden. God has given me all that I need to grow my life as a garden. My life is no longer 'Under Construction' as I'd thought of it being for so long. You don't construct a garden, you grow it. It's time to grow!
Do you have a life metaphor or mantra? I would love to hear about it.